A note on authenticity
Probably the only place on the internet that you will find art, botox and marmite talked about together. This is how my mind works.
******************************************
At the start of every year, I choose a word. It works a bit like the North Star; a steady reminder of the direction that I wish to travel in.
This year my word is ‘authenticity’.
Authenticity is a value I admire in others. It is something I strive for in my life, and in my art. In the past I have found it almost impossible to embody authenticity, and I still find it hard today.
To be authentic, you first have to know yourself.
Your real self, not the subconsciously assimilated people pleasing version of yourself. And once unearthed (still a work in progress for me), this REAL self then needs to be courageous enough to show up in the world. Often a place that doesn’t appreciate our individuality, our quirks and our uniqueness. A world which prefers that we squeeze ourselves, uncomplaining, into an ill-fitting box of sameness.
Take aging. Women learn young that we are not allowed to age. Overpriced, anti-wrinkle cream in our twenties? Yes, I did that. Now, aged fifty-six, and in far more need? No! I won’t botox either, despite the constant stream of external chatter delighting in telling me I would be a better and more acceptable version of myself, (to whom I wonder?) with plumped up lips and ironed out wrinkles. I can’t even visit the dentist without being offered a side dish of facial aesthetics.
Some might argue that botox is no different to getting our nails or our hair done, but I disagree.
Painted nails and a new hairdo adds icing to the cake. Botox says the cake isn’t good enough.
Don’t get me wrong, the ‘not good enoughness’ is very much alive and kicking; but I am getting better at spotting the signs and talking myself down from the edge. Because if I don’t; if instead I buy into the belief that my self-worth is dependant on my appearance, then I lose sight of the real me. The person I am on the inside. The authentic me. This is the ‘me’ who creates my art. She deserves to be seen.
The person you are on your inside, they deserve to be seen and heard too.
Apparently “authenticity guarantees that not everyone will like you but that you will like you”. I actually think that the more authentic we get the more marmite we become. Meaning authenticity is a gold plated guarantee that we will piss off quite a few people.
Ah, maybe now we get to the crux of the problem. Confrontation, friction and other people's displeasure in us for daring to be ourselves. So much easier to silence the part of us that doesn’t fit, that isn’t wanted.
But I have lived this flip side; the inauthentic ‘safe’ life, and it is true, I did not like the person it made me on the inside. Not one bit.
Now I choose marmite, however uncomfortable that can feel.
I endeavour to live my life with as much authenticity as I can. I write what I believe to be true, even though others will disagree. I create art that feels fun and gets me excited even though I know others will not like or understand it. And I share my words and my art because I believe
the world needs less botox and a lot more marmite.
We need more realness, more honesty, more brave people willing to show up as themselves, more colour (always more colour), and more joy.
Thanks for being here.
Big love, Helen x